i think i give up..

all this just makes me really depresed its like i dont fit in here ive tried to write a messeage in every topic and its never come out right.. its like i dont know how i feel anymore and everytime i try to explain it i just end up being full with emotions. i just want to give up everything and go back to just hide inside my room and try to suppress everything.. i have a hard time bringing up my feelings cus ive tried to suppress them for like 3 years and when i bring em up i just end up with nothing but pain.. that video gave me the will to try and well ive pushed myself to the limit now..
maybe im weak but im a weakling with the balls to try!

Hey, please don't give up. I will give you three good reasons why.
1. I want to be your friend.
2. There are other people who want to be your friends here
3. You are talented. It is obvious because you know to speak another language other than your own. Who knows what other talents you have...lwhy not let us know? Or let me know anyway. I always look forward to hearing from anyone. I love friendly company.
As do we all.
No matter how you feel, you are a part of this group. You are a part of this circle of support and I hope we all become good friends.

MAUL

me and maul have the same thing you do, it's called bipolar, if yo;u have balls, try and get tested for it then you can stop.

hey... i dont think its bipolar.. Studies have also indicated increased striving for, and sometimes obtaining, goals and achievements more generally; in other words, many with bipolar disorder tend to be more driven, extremely goal oriented, and hard working. saw this at wikipedia :/ and well it doesnt really sound like me. thou i must say that i can have a pretty foul mood sometimes but it doesnt mean i have bipolar.. i took some tests at the hospital like a weck ago and im going back and maybe i bring it up and thx for cheering me up...

kainy wrote:

hey... i dont think its bipolar.. Studies have also indicated increased striving for, and sometimes obtaining, goals and achievements more generally; in other words, many with bipolar disorder tend to be more driven, extremely goal oriented, and hard working. saw this at wikipedia :/ and well it doesnt really sound like me. thou i must say that i can have a pretty foul mood sometimes but it doesnt mean i have bipolar.. i took some tests at the hospital like a weck ago and im going back and maybe i bring it up and thx for cheering me up...

Hey wow thats interesting coz I am really goal orientated...
I am desperate to get my books published. I will do anything to do this, also I am motivated to finish writing them!

you heard anything about your book yet maul?

Hana wrote:

you heard anything about your book yet maul?

Nup, it takes forever for them to assess a manuscript. That will be a post in about a months time that you will either have to support me for or survive my excited attitude.

the good and the bad my dear, its why we are all here.

haha i should start writing again.

Hana wrote:

the good and the bad my dear, its why we are all here.

haha i should start writing again.

You write? Well thats interesting...Probably poetry am i correct? As it helps to get your emotions out and make you feel a little better. I will post some of my own poems that helped me to see what people think.

Never, ever give up. There's too much to live for. and like I said in the introduction thread. Get outside! Just go walking, nothing complicated. And, literally don't look down while walking. Look around. Find amazement in small things. Rent American Beauty, and try to be a little less crazy than the weed dealing neighbour 'Cause that's really what I mean. If somehow a flying plastic bag amazes you, stop and look at it.


Also Maul, being so goal oriented, try to realize this: You're 16. Life's only beginning. Allow yourself to mature before you write too much. You have to taste life to be able to realistically write about it. So if your goal is to publish a really good book, your first goal should just be to live. I'm not saying you don't have a chance now, no, I truly hope you get your book published. I even think I don't have to tell you these things, I'm pretty sure you knew deep down. Every good thing ever written comes off of real life experiences, or is based upon them. That's just the way it is. Humans are all to crazy to just be able to understand them when you're 16, I realize that more and more everyday. And writing, well, that's just something that needs to mature with you. Don't get me wrong, please, I'm not tearing you down or anything, and I definitly don't want you to stop writing. I just (have kinda forgotten what I was saying :p) want you to be prepared. I've been trying to get some stuff out too, musically, but there's only about 2 or 3 tracks I feel confident about, and they often get shot down too. It's because we're throwing our emotional end intelectual products into a business world. And they often don't match up...

Cheers, take care, keep writing!


*edit*: too bad books don't have "white label" like vinyl does: a cheap test print to test your stuff out, and if it sells you got a deal.

my lizard died the day before i joined this forum..
he meant really much to me..
i feel kinda childish to cry about a lizard but he was my only friend..
since he died everything has become black and white.
it feels like he was the reason i lived he was the reason i went up at the morning...
its nothing that mean anything for me now..
its like i got no reason to live now.. i cant fix my school and every1 just think im lazy..
i cant find a reason to live.. i dont know why i post this.. but as always i fail to make it intresting. and as always sry for my english and please dont reply on this.. its just gonna make me feel bad.

you still around kainy?? want to talk? i know what it feels like to lose a pet. ive cried several times over my cat elvis, just being taken away from me on various occaisions(i wasnt mistreating him i had to put him somewhere til i could find a new place to live tht would have him) and i cried myself to sleep every night because he wasnt at the end of my bed

my lizard douglas was the only 1 i let into my life he really meant much to me... i know a lizard cant really love u back but in a strange way he always wanted to go up from the cage when i was sad.. i remember the last week he lived and he couldnt sleep in his cage so i let him sleep in my pillow.. the day he died he got cramps and eventualy just stoped.. i was holding him in my hands the whole day till my dad said we had to bury him.. i know im soon 15 and i cry like this for a lizard.. well i could say tons of stuff about him but it doesnt really matter now.. i try upload a picture doesnt really know how it works :/.and i wished i could make it more intresting. sry for my english.
https://servimg.com/view/11343773/2

ww hes a cute little thing! i know what u mean about how when you were down he would come up to the cage. my cat sits as near as possible to me or witha paw on my face when im sad. animals are like friends, and if you didnt mourn their loss, you wouldnt be normal. x x

kainy wrote:

my lizard douglas was the only 1 i let into my life he really meant much to me... i know a lizard cant really love u back but in a strange way he always wanted to go up from the cage when i was sad.. i remember the last week he lived and he couldnt sleep in his cage so i let him sleep in my pillow.. the day he died he got cramps and eventualy just stoped.. i was holding him in my hands the whole day till my dad said we had to bury him.. i know im soon 15 and i cry like this for a lizard.. well i could say tons of stuff about him but it doesnt really matter now.. i try upload a picture doesnt really know how it works :/.and i wished i could make it more intresting. sry for my english.
https://servimg.com/view/11343773/2

What an awesome PET! My parents would never let me get anything like that. I bet he sort of understood compassion towards the one that looks after him, like a loyal dog will sit by their owner etc.
https://i.servimg.com/u/f19/11/37/32/04/new_0010.jpg

I can totally understand why you would miss him...It's not stupid, pets are more often better company than people, if our dog Toby...(I'll put up a picture of him) ever died I would be so sad.

damn i dont really know what t say... right now ive been really depresed for like 2 wecks..
i have no friends qus theres no1 that see things my way i cant really explain it its like i see things in a whole other way but maybe its just easyer to call me stupid..
i forget things that doesnt really matter to me like the alphabet my civic registration number how to tie shoes even my age.
theres no1 i can talk about this to im glad i found this site.
well it feels like i repeat myself over and over again but i cant help it...
dont reply on this i know i just write crap and that i dont get anywhere with this i dont want any1 to care about me i just want to say it i dont care if no1 reads this but i guess its here it belongs.. dont reply....

i dont care wat u say im replying

you are suffering from depression which causes you to forget things and be down and well yeah terrible feeling i no im going through moderate depression already i forget everything im starting to get better about getting dressed cause i realized i was getting really embarassed going out side in a bra and short bottoms haha no kidding. i forget how to spell things ever since i was ten i have always forgooten how to spel as i end up spelling ass which is never good sometimes i dont even remember how to spell I its embarrassing and makes you feel stupid but let me tell ya we are all the most sane people we r the nnormal wans not the idiots with the fancy clothews and fancy cars and tons of money and good grades see we are probally haf the population

yee i know how it is i suck at spelling 2..

been thinking about my life and the only thing that i can come to think of is my lizard...
thats the only joy ive ever had in my life i dont know why i continue to live.. it feels like the longer i live the bigger is my failure..
i can find no reason for me 2 live ive have forgotten how it is to have fun cus theres nothing i find fun anylonger i wished there were an easy way to die...
my life was over the second my lizard died.. i will never forget that day,,,
its kinda sick i dont want to do anything in my life i dont do anything of my life and ivenever done anything in my life...

feels like i reapeat myself over and over again i just wished something would happen...

i no wat u mean about only haveing your lizard and wen he had to die i surround myself by dogs and we are like a pack of wolves my seven dogs are likew dducklings and im the mother they follow me everywhere they love me and i luv them ive lost so many family members never human but my real family my true loves the ones that are always there for me. its sucks wen they die it feels terrible wenever one of my dogs dies i cry until i cant any longer but with my animal family there are so many i not only have my own "kids" but wen i work at animal house i have all of brandons and sharons dogs and together they have 20 dogs 10 are 50% mine because i pay for them and take them home from time to time. animals are the closest to my heart aka black hole they come before everything iincluding myself ive dodged a car for a dog that i didnt even no i take animals in all the time i cant stand to see them in bad situations. i try to remember that wen ever one of my pack dies that same dog is always with me they are in my other dogs hearts rthey talk to eachother i no it animals are amazing