Absolutely Petrified

On friday afternoon GMT, i will be having a microinvasive operation. I wil be having a laparoscopy to determine whether or not i have endometriosis. endo is where your menstrual fluid runs backwards into your fallopian tubes and abdominial cavity and latches onto your organs, and cysts begin to grown and expand just like normal menstrual tissue during a cycle. this causes almost constant pelvic plain and pain during sex. this can seriously affect my fertility. in my quest for help i have foudn my self on websites that are entitled "ivf.com"

i so want children.

i dont want to be in pain

and i dont want it to be so bad that i have to have my uterus removed. or an ovary.

im so scared.

what ever happens, out reach will always be here for you =]

I can understand you wanting to have kids of your own hana, but I personally can only think of the negatives of children.
Like...screaming for hours on end...they follow you everywhere and ask stupid questions. Throw tantrums...yeah i never plan on kids ever ever ever. lol
What I can say to you is this, if what they find is the worst case scenario then you can always adopt, help a child who may not have had great parents before and give them happiness. I don't know this might be a really lame attempt at comfort, just remember like Tobias said we're hear for ya, I might be young but that doesn't mean I don't have the capacity to care.

thank you, i felt a warm hug from you both x

I hope everything went well? Been looking around, and I might be mistaken, but I don't see any posts about how it went? I truly truly hope it went well, I've seen some infertility problems which really broke people down till there was almost nothing left. And I don't want to see it happening to you, 'specially at your age. So, let us know, bit worried here!

Personally I'm not really looking forwards to having kids either. Not that I can't look past those negatives, I KNOW I would love my children with all my heart, the first second I'd lay my eyes on them. It's just that I have seen lots of child misery in my family, and I'll always be careful before doing anything. I've seen my aunt break down after her third(!) miscarriage, which was already 5 months along. Everything seemed fine, they were already so relieved (because usually if you get that far, it'll be fine), and one day... he was just, dead... Still went through natural "birth" to see her dead son, all blue because of the lack of blood. I can't even imagine the pain she went through then. It was to be my nephew, who would've been 2 months older than my little brother. I can often see it hurts her to see him (but she loves him very much). Oh and just to mention, she does have 2 perfectly healthy children, I'm pretty sure that if she didn't, they wouldn't have tried anymore. My uncle also has had himself sterilized because of this, which I find to be a great proof of his love to her.

I myself had almost been a miscarriage. When my mother was 4 months into her pregnancy, she suddenly started going into labour. Ofcoures 4 months is extremely early, so she was given some treatment (can't remember the name). The effects of it are thankfully quite limited, albeit not very fun: I have extremely weak teeth, and some problems with my bones (more specifically my joints, but I can't find the english word. The thing between two joints to make everything go smoothly, lack of it is artritis I believe. It's not that I don't have it, it's just really weak. Busted my knees over that). Now that I am 19 my teeth problems are truly starting to be bad: I broke off a piece of a tooth last week by eating a pistolet (a bit hard bread). In the next ten year I might lose em all. But I am straying very far again, feel a bit rude about it. Just let us know! Please...

Where the frigging hell are you Hana? I hope you are ok.
All of us here are curious to know if everything is alright. Well, I am at least.
The suspense is killing me anyways, I haven't seen your name on any posts for so long and it is beginning to raise an eyebrow of concern.
tis all.

Now it's just getting scary. Although you visited the board up untill ten days afterwards, still no word? I'm starting to assume pretty bad things, which I truly hope aren't accurate... Hope everything's okay.

Hana why don't you say somethig?

Whatever the result was we can help

im so sorry i ran away. well i didnt. but i kind of did.

for one, when i came back from my operation i kept watch over here for a while, but didnt want to post, didnt really feel up to it.

then when i did, i forgot my password.

idiot.

they could find whats wrong with me, apparently my uterus is very healthy, it just slopes backwards. wonky ute' is my new nickname with my best friend lol. the pain is still there tho, but i can have kids, just more tests i imagine.

sorry again guys, thanks for worrying tho!

Decided to check back here today, quite the surprise with the new look and everything. Immediatly came to this post, figuring you were obviously around. Glad to hear everything's fine with your uterus .

good old wonky ute eh? sounds dead selfish, but it was nice of you all to worry about me

one problem sorted out, now they are giving me cognitive analytic therapy and medication, and the possibility of spending the time in the "day centre" with people from the age of 18-100 with mental health problems, i dont know if i could cope with the latter, or the anti depressants, yet another struggle with the nhs. brilliant.

i guess u could try... the therapy sounds ok but the antidepressents part is the scary one still remember when i started my medication... the 2 first days was pure rage, incredible how something that small can afect u like that...

they would put u along with depressed people or people with mental health problems in general?

well its a day centre at an adult mental health hospital. i dont think i feel at all comfortable with the idea

Hana wrote:

well its a day centre at an adult mental health hospital. i dont think i feel at all comfortable with the idea

Well I can totally agree with you there!
But in all seriousness, I can understand. If I had not found a medication that gave me motivation and done therapy that encouraged my self-worth i would be a complete vegatable just waisting air.
Definately get youself some therapy; it works.
Talk about things and learn new perspectives on things. Thats all it is, they don't dig so hard into your own secrets that you die of shame as alot of people think but they only go as far as you want them to.