Whats been going on since i was last here

Admin Number of posts : 92 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-04-15

History of Care at Parkside Psychological and Interventions Service

Since I was transferred to Parkside I have felt nothing but ignored. At first I was patient, and understood that the NHS itself is under funded and under staffed, and that the state of the men-tal health services within the NHS could be much improved.

Despite this, after waiting 12 months for emotional support (for a condition I have suffered with since before I was referred to CAHMS at 15) I have decided I’ve had enough.

I have received nothing but assessments with several different employees of Parkside during the past year, and have only just been referred for cognitive analytic therapy; I will have to wait at least another 2 months for my first appointment with Viscount House.

All assessors have had different opinions, but it has to be said that the doctors who claim I have mild or no depression have spent less than an hour with me, one of which (Dr Ahmed) didn’t even read my patient file before having a 30 minute session with me. This, he saw as ample time to get to know me and diagnose that I wasn’t suffering from depression. It was the first time we had met.

I feel that my mind has been left to rot at Parkside; going from mild or no depression to severely depressed whilst in their care, something I do not see has a coincidence. Yes, I experienced some turbulent times during this period, but I feel that if I was receiving consistent care I would have been able to manage better, and my mental health would not have deteriorated.

My mother and I have constantly fought for me to have some form of on-going, consistent emo-tional support but all that happened was that I was consistently left in the dark. When I ques-tioned several people as to why I hadn’t been offered a CPN (Dr Ahmed, Jane Harpin, and Aly-son Cook) I didn’t get any answers.

I felt I was treat this way for three specific reasons.

There is a lack of communication between doctor and patient concerning care pathways and how the adult mental health service differs from youth and adolescent mental health. I was in-formed by my GP, Dr Wood, that the transition between the two is difficult, as both are very dif-ferent, but when I had my first appointment at Parkside, with Dr Bheem, nothing was men-tioned about how Parkside works, and what course of action is usually took.

Also I feel there is a lack of communication between staff at Parkside. After being prescribed medication by Dr Bheem in September 2006, I decided not to take it, because I feel that that isn’t the answer to the problems of a person with mild to moderate depression. When taking medication previously it had made me “zombie-like” and I had no range of emotion. I did not want to be this way again. When I returned to Parkside and saw Alyson Cook I told her I wasn’t taking medication anymore. Then, months later in July 2007, during a telephone call with Jane Harpin, I was asked if I was still taking medication. Surely, she should have already known the answer after going over my notes.

The final factor that I feel contributes towards the inattentive “treatment” that I have experi-enced at Parkside is my age. When I am at Parkside I feel nervous, and small, like a little girl. I feel that because of my age the staff at Parkside sees my behaviour/feelings as “teen angst”. Be-cause of the way I feel they perceive me, they either ignore my problem, or patronise me. One doctor told me I wasn’t ill, I was just unable to cope with life due to my lack of life skills, and that these are things I will learn during Cognitive Analytic Therapy (which I’ll probably be wait-ing several months for without a support system).

The fact of the matter is I have lived on my own since I was 16, I have a TV licence, pay my bills, and haven’t met anyone else, who at 16, coped with moving away from home whilst suffering from a mental illness. It’s for these reasons I can’t break down, I can’t harm myself, and can’t talk to my nearest and dearest about how I really feel; I just keep pretending I’m ok, and that I’m coping. If I give up on myself I’ll have failed at something else in my life.

I had to leave college during my second year because I broke down, and couldn’t cope with the work load. I feel that if Parkside had offered me some forms of support that I could have had a full qualification in Moving Image and an A level in photography by now, and would be looking forward to university; and be able to pursue my career of choice. Now I rarely have any aspira-tions for myself, as I just feel I will fail due to my condition.

My only support system I have had for the past year was to hide my emotions and keep them to myself; hoping people would see no evidence of my condition, and the way that I felt. I am con-stantly of low self esteem, hating the person I am and the way I look. My sleeping pattern has become erratic again and my eating habits have also become erratic, sometimes overeating, other times barely eating at all. I rarely leave the house alone and don’t cope well when I am in the house on my own. I have lost interest in my favourite things; I haven’t taken photographs, painted or wrote any poetry in a long time. I rarely get dressed and rarely keep up with my per-sonal hygiene. The only trouble is now I can’t hide or control these feelings and the only thing being swept under the carpet is me. Also now, more than ever, I am tempted to harm my self; but no one will ever know these things because I don’t let on, I just keep it all in.

I am holding Parkside responsible for the decreasing state of my mental health, because of the way I have been treat.

Chronology of “Care” Provided by Parkside Psychological and Interventions Service

• June 2006
Discharged from Wessex House (CAHMS)

• August 2006
Referred by Dr Wood of Linthorpe Surgery to adult mental health (Parkside)

• September 2006
My first appointment at Parkside. Assessment with Dr Bheem. Following my assessment I was prescribed anti-depressants and diagnosed with mild to no depression. Due to this diagnosis I was told I would get no benefit from a CPN. I chose not to take the medication because I felt it unnecessary for ‘mild’ depression.

• Late September 2006
My mental health deteriorated in the eyes of my mother and I. I was crying and breaking down over the smallest of matters, so my mother got back in touch with Parkside to see what could be done in terms of support.

• Mid-Late October 2006
My second visit and second assessment at Parkside, was with Alyson Cook. I don’t know the outcome of this assessment, but I enquired about counselling. I didn’t get a straight answer as this was “just an assessment”. At this point I was receiving no emotional sup-port.
N.B. Between this appointment and the next appointment I had at Parkside I had left college due to not being able to attend or cope with the work load and kept continuously falling behind in all aspects of my education, and had to claim Incapacity benefit in order to support myself.

• February 2007
During this month I had two assessment sessions with Dr Jane Mitchell. She established that I was suffering from a major depressive disorder and needed some form of cognitive therapy. I would not be referred for this however, until I completed Sleep Pak training to combat my irregular sleeping patterns. She told me I would see her in around three months for a final assessment before she would refer me for cognitive therapy. At this point I am still not receiving any emotional support.

• March 2007
I had two sessions of Sleep Pak training with Alistair Russell. I couldn’t attend any fur-ther appointments with Alistair after this due to medical problems. These included severe pelvic pain and the possibility of infertility. Despite not being able to attend these ses-sions I promised to continue to keep to my Sleep Pak regime. At this point I am still not receiving any emotional support.

• 18th June 2007
I had a final session with Alistair Russell, and afterwards I was given an appointment with Dr Jane Mitchell for a final assessment. Following this assessment I was told I had severe depression and Dr Mitchell felt my condition had deteriorated considerably and that she will arrange a medication review with a consultant and see what else can be done to stop my condition deteriorating further. Also, I was referred to Viscount House for Cognitive Analytic Therapy. It was not explained to me what this is. At this point I am still not receiving any emotional support.

• 10th July 2007
Following a period of nearly four weeks without any further correspondence from Park-side or Viscount House I rang Dr Mitchell to find out where I was in my treatment but she was off. I left a message for her to get in touch with me. Following not being able to get an answer to any of my questions, my mother advised me to get in touch with the mental health charity, Mind, because she felt I had been patient enough in waiting for some emotional support. Mind advised me to get in touch with STAMP, a Mental Health Advocacy Service.

• 11th July 2007
I received a call from Dr Mitchell. She told me I should be under the care of the commu-nity mental health team; something I knew nothing about, and that this is a matter I should take up with Dr Chaugule, my (unbeknownst to me) care co-ordinator. Following STAMP’s advice, I got in touch with the Town Sector Manager for Parkside, Jane Harpin, who arranged a next day appointment with a psychiatric consultant, Dr Ahmed, someone else who I have never met before. After asking numerous times I still haven’t been given a reason as to why I am unable to acquire any emotional support.

• 12th July 2007
My appointment with Dr Ahmed was thirty to forty minutes long, and consisted of con-densing my life story down in to this time slot. During the session I was reminded, “we only have thirty minutes and there are other people waiting”, after I had gone into a small amount of detail about my eating habits, which he asked about; this made me feel insig-nificant. Dr Ahmed would have known my history if he had taken the short time to read one of the many assessments made by the previous staff I had seen at Parkside, but he didn’t, he told me he liked to “get his own view when he meets a patient”. At the end of the session I was told I was de-labelled and I wasn’t depressed, I just couldn’t cope with life because I didn’t have the appropriate life skills; for this medication and a CPN is un-necessary. I asked what emotional support I would receive during the time I spend on the waiting list for C.A.T. I was told I would be seen “intermittently” by him. As I left Park-side, I was then told by Dr Ahmed that I could make an appointment to see him in two months time. I left Parkside a lonely, confused, emotionally distressed, ignored patient.

I have still not received any answers to my questions and I am still not receiving any emotional support.

Subject: Re: Whats been going on since i was last here Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:34 am

In my eyes you were definitly not treated correctly, but I have no idea what the judical system is like over there (what you might achieve with legal action, how good your chances are, and above all, how difficult it would become). Taking legal action could possibly make things more complicated... I didn't check anything in the poll, because I just really can't give you advicce on the matter, sorry Sad

I can say I feel for you though, I'm going through alot of comparable things. For starters I broke down this schoolyear aswell. I hadn't been able to keep up for a while, but I just kept trying. One by one I started dropping classes, and in the end I just quit everything altogether. I was just truly starting to go insane, it's hard to explain. I started becoming paranoid, also experiancing erratic eating and barely any sleep. Extreme feelings of fear could just jump me, few minutes later I could then be completely disoriented (in my room that is.), and more than once I really wanted to cut myself, or just put that cigarette out on my arm (but I never caved for that one, no way, not going there again), and I often lay awake thinking I should just get it over with, 'cause living like this ain't living anyway. I was attending school in a city pretty far from home, which wasn't really helping either: there was just nobody I could connect with on any level, my days were pretty much go to school, sit still, go home, sleep. The simplest tasks could become so complicated in my head that I just gave em up. The most aggresive and sickening thoughts could just pop in my brain, to the point that I'm really scaring myself. Hygiene had been crappy for a while, and still is. And after all that I'm now left worse than before. I'm still a lot more agressive than before, not that I've hurt anyone, but still. I just really don't recognize myself anymore, and I can't remember where I lost me. Pff, even trying to explain it all is driving me nuts, I just can't put it in words correctly, 'specially not in english.

Anyway, I think I'm finally ready for bed, just wanna say that it appears like your mother is quite supportive, you should really cherish that. Not quite like that over here. My little stunt as my parents often call it got me grounded for the entire summer, meaning that my loneliness which I so craved would end, is looking really endless at the moment. They also refuse to believe anything ridiculous as depression with a minor. I just need to "toughen up". They also have all the magical solutions ready. "Get a job, you'll feel better": I've had a few jobs the past years, which were pretty much depressing. "Set your life straight..." Fuck, As if I haven't been trying for the past 4 years. Fuck. I've even asked for fucking help more then once. Ah screw it, starting to get pissed, gonna stop. Anyways, whatever you decide to do, best of luck!

Subject: Re: Whats been going on since i was last here Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:08 pm

Good mother of god Hana, you poor soul.
You sound like you really need some loving support righ now, and if I could reach through the computer and hug you I would Sad

It makes my heart hurt to think of the person i saw in your video...you were a person...a living human being who has just as much right to a fufilling life as the next person.
I know how being a zombie can feel, but the simple truth was what cured my deepest depression was medecine, and although it is difficult for me to have any massive swing in emotions whatsoever it is far more livable than being depressed.
You've probably heard it before a million times but people often have to try various different kinds of Anti-depressants in order to establish one that fits your system and does what its supposed to instead of just making you vacant and hollow.
I can't mark the poll either because like WRek said, majority of us are from other countries...and to be honest with you I got a little lost with you over the course of that series of events.
Now and always you'll have MY support, one day when I am famous I will start a charirty that is devoted towards raising money specifically to make you well again so you can live the life you are entitled to.
Idea

Subject: Re: Whats been going on since i was last here Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:23 am

Defenitly the NHS isn't providing a proper service:
you had to wait four weaks and it had to be you to call Parkside to know when would your CAT start;you should have taken your anti-depressants (only medication combined with CAT can help you)probably you would have if they had told you that the right one won't have side effects.
You say pills leave you without emotion, i know what that is,I've expirienced emotional detachment I can understand your denial towards medication.
I voted No, you're doing the right thing complaining but i dont think legal action is the right answer
You say you pretend you're ok so you can keep going, I think that's great, hope you keep going till you beat depression.If Maul and mine hugs could give you some strenght I wish we could be right there with you.

Admin Number of posts : 92 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-04-15

its nice of you to say these things. one thing i wll say about anti depressants is that i was given them nearly a year before i was refered for CAT. and at the time i was no where near as ill as i am now. i believe that giving antidepressants to people with mild depression is sweeping a patient under the carpet. i thought about taking them, long and hard, but my mother and i decided that we thought the NHS was copping out by giving them to me.

Number of posts : 76 Age : 30 Localisation : PA Registration date : 2007-07-19

wow i dont no wat to say i mean i have many questions but well im a person afraid of people lol u were treated horribly i cant believbve it well i can but man thats terrible. ive been taking anti deppresstiants(sp) since i was 5 and so now it hardly works they r just drugs i stop taking them once in a while and i feel the same but my mom said that wenever i feel suicidal (which is everyday) i must take them but the thing is that they dont work so i said screw the pills and now im going cold turkey so i am being supervised by my dog (hes a service dog) my mom doesnt trust herself to watch over me so well ya

Subject: Re: Whats been going on since i was last here Mon Jul 23, 2007 7:32 am

Well in any case you really should consider taking up medecine, because when my depression got worse after we tried the first brand of pills to get me well and they did shit all. Like I'm talking about i might as well ahve been swallowing plastic.
Now I'm on a much stronger anti-depressant that is countered by mood stabilizers.
My anti-depressant is called Efexor-XR and it is supposed to be used to treat adult depression, however it works well with me. (That says a little something about the way my mind operates, its not that i can't find answers to why i suffer...its that I DO and those answers were always very self inflictive and negative)
I also did Cogentive Behavioural therapy, which is a psychology designed to help you look at things from a different perspective, and you start to see positives where they didn't appear before. I could talk some more about this now but I have to do some schoolwork. Smile

Admin Number of posts : 92 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-04-15

i took your advice and i had a good think about anti depressants. i went to see my GP, because the hospital said i didnt need any(twats, as you well know) and he put me on sertraline again. it used to be quite a good fit for me. 100mg a day. my boyfriend isnt happy about it, but he doesnt quite understand depression. the funny thing is, i get the strangest side effects; constant yawning, and my jaw wobbles, oh and my hands shake. definately breaks up the day!

Subject: Re: Whats been going on since i was last here Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:35 am

Hana wrote:: i took your advice and i had a good think about anti depressants. i went to see my GP, because the hospital said i didnt need any(twats, as you well know) and he put me on sertraline again. it used to be quite a good fit for me. 100mg a day. my boyfriend isnt happy about it, but he doesnt quite understand depression. the funny thing is, i get the strangest side effects; constant yawning, and my jaw wobbles, oh and my hands shake. definately breaks up the day!

just remember to keep your GP up to date, and you can work together to find the right anti-depressant thats works for you, The only side-effect i ever got from starting on Efexor was a little bit of unsettled stomach, if you overdose on Anti-depressants its common to have chattery teeth, I know because i did it once. DON"T ANYONE EVER DO IT. It isn't fun, i was grinding them to try and stop them chattering and my teeth began to hurt like all hell.
it would have been much better if I'd known they were a harmless brand that couldn't kill me. So that i didn't feel like a complete idiot after they told me. Embarassed

If i feel slightly different i always make sure to let my GP know, alot of depressed people seem to think anti-depressants are just plain bad, but there is alot to it. Different people have different brain chemistry and therefore need different medecine to combat that brain chemistry. Or the negetive aspects of it. Cognetive Bevaiour Thereapy really helped me as well. you should ask your doctor about it, maybe you can get a psychologist like I used to from your mental health services. Learn to think of them as a friend and the process of becoming well again will seem easier. Smile

Admin Number of posts : 92 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-04-15

lol, didnt you read all that long story up the top?! haha they wont give me one. one minute im severely depressed the next minute im not. i cant win with the bloody nhs. if i had the money id go private!