Hows your day been today?

Last night/this morning I was having bad urges and was very depressed. For the first time in about a month or so, so that wasn't good But then I fell asleep and woke up fine, so thats good I guess :\. But when I woke up I came on here, then took a shower and here I am again


(read all these of mine and they're almost all the same or very similiar I need a life)

dust and manual labour. moving shits balls.

Todays been boring of course, woke up and got on here. All though I do enjoy being home alone for a couple days!

boring and exciting i luv pet sitting cause i always stay at the peoples house so that means no stress

Today I'm back at schoolwork, however I have goal...which is always good, but you probably know that I almost always have a goal anyways
I want to save up and buy a new computer with the excess money i get from my pension. I got a disability pension approved because i was too anxious (and lets face it- lazy) to get a job. If one of the publishing companies would just take me up...I would be away.
But no.
*sigh*
I have started writing again a little, which I hadn't done since being insulted on the net...I'm getting my confidence back. Slowly, but surely.
Something that I do often is take my dog toby for a walk. While doing it I take notes of things that come to mind or things that I see in order to find the perfect way to describe things, or the correct way to alter one's perceptions of something.
It's great fun.
here's Toby for those of you interested.

aww he so cute

It is one in the afternoon, and I have just woken up.

It is a schoolday, so I missed out on half the day.
But i had a really weird dream, weird because it made an iota of sense. It was like a really bizzare short story. It ended badly too.
It's too bizzare for me to be able to leave it as it is if i were ever to create a short story based on it. However I tihnk I could make a good one if I tried.
It involved such things as.
A bowl of giant eggs. A man-sized slug wearing a tuxedo-top and a top-hat who also had metal teeth. A giant cone of mucus dangling from the roof of a cave. A massive collection of tape recorders. Lots of dank, underground caverns. Ghosts who didnt know they were ghosts and were very easily scared.
The sea suddenly turning into poor quality lava which was only mildly warm. And the school bus suddenly driving on it to pick me up once I had escaped from the "salad-fingers caves" (thats what they were called in my dream however I tink I'll have to change that).
The bad ending I mentioned was that the bus drove by and left me there.
Why I have no idea.
Oh and also...I feel deflated. I think I'm going to have the day spent very soon.
Aghumumph. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee

i got my internet back... oh and my new house is lovely!

went out today for the first time for like 2 months 2 buy a drink and guess what happends an old friend of mine come to me and started talking.
he was only talking about all of hes accomplishments like hes getting married and fixes his school getting a kid etc...no big deal..
but then he asks what ive done and well thats the problem i havent done anything of my life i cant even get myself to school..
i dont know waht to say i feel like a big failure in life i dont know what to do i dont even know why i keep go up in the morning..
i keep trying to fix everything but i just cant accomplish anything...

Im getting a new class this year and everything just feels like shit in school i really wanna fix it but ive tried 3 years now so i dont know....

today was funny see im friends with this gay couple o my gosh they are so funny and so amazing their house is BEAUTIFUL and they have tons of dogs which is a plus well they had a birthday party for one of their dogs it was a pink poodle party it was hilarious but now im home and looked in my back yard and there WAS beautiful bamboo in my neighbors yard and they disided to cut it down i am soooo pissed that was where i hid from reality i ran there to cry and to cut that was my place and they went and tore my memories away

evrything feels like shi i dont know how i can stand my life anylonger i harte my life hate myself for being afraid to die i feels like shit why do i continoue to live.......

you need to find the answer to that question yourself im afraid. but there is a specific reason/purpose for our being. you need to find that reason, instead of thinkin about dying, find a way so you can continue to live?

yeah hana's right u shouldnt live ur life in a black hole u should get out there

damn my internet just stoped working after my last message havent been able to check on a while :/ anyways it started work again today (thank god)...

school started monday trying to study to become a chef..
well umm thats all thats really happend to me...

Got a bit of a down period in my life.
I wish I could be...alive.
But I'm faded.
i think I'm dying.